![]() I don’t know who said it but they always say ‘just be yourself!”. ![]() It took me years to realize that being myself in a relationship is…hard. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much - no one loves chili dogs that much! Being myself is hard work I used to see men - friends, coworkers, strangers - giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. And now you see me, the real me and you complained that I now changed. I have always been myself deep down, but I pretended to be someone else, someone you wanted me to be. Maybe this is why I often find myself in situations where men I dated told me that I changed. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. Cool Girls never get angry they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Here it goes:Ĭool Girls are above all hot. There is a monologue in the movie Gone Girl by Amy Dunne that I deeply resonate with. There are many people out there who love to see your vulnerable sides and love you for your flaws and insecurities. If someone accuses you of being clingy/ needy, then they are not the right fit. Wanting affection, or attention is normal. There is no point in being in a committed relationship if no one wants to commit. Do I? Do I like staying at home cooking for him and not going to restaurants? Do I like playing video games and give him space, like outer space, anytime he asks for? Do I actually want that?Īs I grow older (hopefully wiser), I realize that discussing your needs is not needy, it’s communicative. But worst of all, he would say to his friends that “she’s a cool girl”. Because I don’t see how it is a compliment except for the fact that he is undoubtedly a narcissist, so it might actually be. My ex often held my hands tightly and said “you’re the female version of me” as if it’s a compliment. I don’t need attention from men, who does that? Not me, I’m cool. I was so cool that I presented myself in the best possible lights so that he would like me, instead of showing my weaknesses, my insecurity, vulnerability, and clinginess. I was so cool that I ignored my emotional needs. If he doesn’t believe in marriage or labeling, that’s fine too, who cares? Because I am cool! I have my own hobbies and my life, I don’t sit around waiting for a man to call, to ask me for a respectful, exclusive relationship. If he wants a non-clingy girlfriend, then I’ll be low maintenance. I often changed myself to fit someone’s standards. ![]() However, I noticed a pattern that I kept falling into, especially when I was younger, which stopped me from having a solid, lasting relationship. ![]() According to my OKCupid stats, which tbh doesn’t mean anything, I don’t have trouble dating. I’m a size 2 Asian female at my fertility peak age range. I laughed because I thought it was polite. I’m just gonna break the news and let my stock crash right now and face the risk of being categorized as “boring” but I don’t care: I hate video games, I felt sleepy watching Starwars, and no, I don’t find your jokes funny most of the time. He would sit next to me discussing his stocks, we would watch Starwars and play video games because that’s what we both like (or at least that’s what he thinks). If it was a year ago, I would be hanging out with my boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend), drinking cheap soda and eating junk food and starve myself the next day to not feel too guilty about those damn 2000 calories of fast food.
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